Lawyering is No Laughing Matter. Or is it?

Q: What is your favorite lawyer joke?

A: I remember little about my law school orientation – save for being absolutely frightened at what was about to come my way. However, I recall the sage advice one lowly attorney deigned worthy to impart upon us. “As lawyers,” he said, “Everyone will come up to you and tell you their favorite lawyer joke. You must always be prepared with one in return.”

Why is it that lawyers are central to so many jokes? We have been called everything from sharks to snakes to things much worse. These jokes usually have one thing in common: the lawyer dies a horrific death. When was the last time you heard a doctor’s joke? Have you ever heard a joke about an engineer who suffered as horrible a fate as a lawyer? Not very many florist jokes, are there?

Centuries of parents have wanted their children to grow and become lawyers. You would think we would get a little bit of respect. But, somehow we have become better known for our jokes than for our many grand contributions to society.

It must be that lawyers are a rather self-deprecating bunch. We practice a serious trade and daily deal with major life controversies. It is the hallmark of our profession: the ability to provide objective advice to a client caught in the crossfire. I dare say, few other professions can be so blessed as to have had a tome of jokes written in their honor.

My favorite lawyer joke goes something like this: A young man and his betrothed were on their way to their wedding, after years of being engaged. But the lovebirds were tragically killed in an accident involving a run away soda machine and dynamite.

Upon arriving at the pearly gates, the young almost-married couple asked St. Peter, “Pete, we were so in love and were about to be married. Is there any way we could be married here.” St. Peter scratched his head and, understanding the couple’s plight, said, “I will see what can be done.”

Three hundred years go by without word from Peter. Five hundred. Seven hundred. One thousand years go by and finally St. Peter comes by one day and announces, “We are able to get you married after all. Just come by the heavenly sanctuary tomorrow at noon and a preacher will marry you.”

It was a glorious wedding, the one the couple had always dreamed of having. But, they soon discovered that they had made an unwise choice in marriage. “Pete,” the too-soon deceased man said, “I don’t know what we were thinking. Married life does not work for us. Is there any way we could get a divorce?” Peter, understanding the irregularity of such a request, said, “I will see what can be done.”

Five hundred years go by. Nothing. One thousand. Three thousand years later, Pete arrives back at the now old married couple’s doorstep. “We can get you a divorce. Just show up at the lawyer’s office at noon tomorrow.”

“Thanks Pete.” Said the young man, “But, what took so long?” “Well,” Peter answered, “If it took us one thousand years just to find a preacher in heaven, you can imagine how hard it was for us to find an attorney!”

Lawyer jokes: just one more way lawyers help alleviate the pressures of this world.

Copyright: Jeremiah G. Dys, Esq. May not be used absent express, written permission. Please contact the author for permission to reprint.